


put your hand in mine

by waveridden



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Hellmouth Sunbeams (Blaseball Team), Other, San Francisco Lovers (Blaseball Team), Season/Series 11, lots of cameos from both teams, this is just a teen romcom have fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:21:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27191660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveridden/pseuds/waveridden
Summary: “Oh, to be in the throes of a first infatuation,” Percival sighs. “I’ll speak to Knight at once about the quest.”“What quest?”“The daring quest you’ll go on for Lars's heart, of course.”“Uh,” NaN says. “No quest? I don’t think this is a quest situation.”
Relationships: Wyatt Mason | NaN & San Francisco Lovers, Wyatt Mason | NaN/Lars Taylor
Comments: 37
Kudos: 77





	put your hand in mine

**Author's Note:**

> One lore note: I'm envisioning both NaN and Lars being, like, late teens-early 20s here. This is 50% because NaN's wiki page says they're a teen, 50% because I've seen some young-ish art of Lars lately, and 100% because I wanted to write a teen romcom. Also, obligatory disclaimer that I'm a Sunbeams fan, so all non-Sunbeams lore is stuff I learned from wiki pages.
> 
> Two accessibility notes: Firstly, this is my first time trying to use workskins. I do not know anything about workskins. If it interferes with your ability to read, please let me know. And secondly, I don't use ASL or any other sign language, so if there are any issues with the way I portrayed it here, please let me know that too. You can either leave comments or message me elsewhere online.
> 
> Extra love and shoutouts to Eli, Cola, and Lee for sending me songs for [my inspo playlist,](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/66wOG6JsdEgJLSUz6s6zyH?si=5_yrmsHkT7eyE4OwzGeXdA) and to Tam, who inspires everything and catches my typos.

Halfway through making breakfast, Percival says, “Have you met Sigmund yet?”

NaN pauses for a second. “You mean beyond… being inside them?”

She laughs. “Yes, I mean beyond just being here. Siggy’s great, you should say hi.”

NaN swallows. They’re technically not the newest player on the Lovers anymore, but they still never lived in Sigmund. When Knight announced that the team was moving into the castle, it had been pretty exciting, mostly because it's pretty cool to live in a castle. Even if that castle is sort of multidimensional, and weird, and partially in the very scary Hellmouth.

But they hadn’t stopped to consider that Sigmund was also… sentient. So they take a moment and then say, tentatively, “Hi, Sigmund.”

_Hello, young NaN,_ says a voice in their head. They do their best not to squeak out loud, but judging by the way Percy half-smirks, they don’t quite make the mark. _Welcome home. I look forward to getting to know you._

“Thank you,” NaN answers. “Wait, do I need to answer out loud?”

_I cannot read your mind, child._

“I just want to be polite!”

_It is much appreciated. I hope that you will grow to love me and both of my teams, as surely they will grow to love you._

“Thank you,” NaN says again, and then looks at Percival. “Uh-”

She arches an eyebrow, but she’s smiling. “Sig, I think it’s best if we give them a break. They’re new here.”

“I should be used to new things by now,” NaN mutters. “Between the whole- you know, between everything.”

Percy shrugs. “Not all weird things are created equal. It makes sense to me that you’d have trouble adapting.”

“Ugh, adapting,” someone says from behind NaN. “I’m sick of adapting.”

NaN turns to look and freezes instantly.

The thing about blaseball is that NaN has been playing it for ten seasons. And even if part of that was as someone that they don’t quite remember being, they’ve been around long enough that they know basically everyone. They don’t know the Sunbeams especially well, sure, but clearly they’re going to have the chance to meet everyone.

So NaN’s not surprised when they turn around and see Hahn Fox, grinning and glowing slightly. She gives him a little wave. “Hi, new kid.”

“Hi,” NaN says, and then finally lets themself look behind Hahn. “Hi.”

“Hi,” says Lars Taylor.

The Tacos played the Sunbeams a lot, so NaN knows Lars. Sort of. They know Lars has two hands and half a dozen spectral ones, and that Lars switches between speaking and signing constantly. They know that Lars has been one of the worst pitchers for a very long time, and that they always had a good attitude about it. They used to smile at NaN whenever they were up to bat. Like the two of them were in on some secret about… something. About being bad players. Or about having fun.

But for all of that, for all the shared smiles and post-game handshakes, NaN has never actually been in a room with Lars before. And something about this is incredibly overwhelming now that it’s happening.

“Would you like pancakes?” Percival says. NaN debates taking a step closer to her, just to be nearer someone they know, but at the last second decides that that’s probably rude. “I’m making plenty.”

“Do they have anything in them?” Hahn asks.

Percy shrugs. “I can put stuff in them.”

“I’m good,” Lars says. “But thanks.”

“Yeah, pass, but we should have a big team breakfast one day.” Hahn tilts her head considering. “Would Knight be into that?”

“Oh, definitely, you should ask them about it.”

“Cool. Well, we just wanted to say hi, introduce ourselves and all that. Welcome aboard.” She pauses. “Or, uh, welcome back, Percival, I know you were-”

“Call me Percy,” she says, smiling warmly. “It’s good to be back, and it’s good to share it with NaN. And with you all.”

“I’m really happy to be here,” NaN adds. Hahn’s eyes flicker over to them, and they smile. “We really appreciate you guys letting us move in. It’s cool to get to be around other teams.”

“Well, we’re glad we get to know you,” Hahn says. “Right, Lars?”

“Definitely,” Lars says. They smile at NaN, and something about it feels a little different than all those smiles on the field. NaN is suddenly, uncomfortably aware of all sorts of things like their heartbeat and their fingertips and the fact that they’re not standing up completely straight. It’s terrible and they want it to happen every day forever. “I’ll see you around?”

“See you around,” NaN repeats.

Hahn waves at them and heads out, Lars trailing behind. NaN watches them go, and then waits, and then waits a second longer just in case.

Percival glances at them. “NaN?”

NaN opens their mouth, entirely uncertain what they’re about to say. They end up with, “Do you think it means something that they smiled at me?”

“Hahn smiles at everyone.”

“No, not-” NaN squeezes their eyes shut and lowers their voice. “That Lars smiled at me.”

She turns to them. NaN cracks one eye open and, unfortunately, she is positively beaming. Her posture has gone from relaxed, normal Percy to regal-knight-in-shining-armor. “Young NaN,” she says delightedly. “Is this the beginnings of true love?”

“No, nope, not love-”

“True infatuation, then.”

NaN pauses. “Maybe?” they hedge. “I just- they seem… really nice. And they have a nice smile.”

“Oh, to be in the throes of a first infatuation,” Percival sighs, as though she isn’t infatuated with someone every other week. “I’ll speak to Knight at once about the quest.”

“What quest?”

“The daring quest you’ll go on for their heart, of course.”

“Uh,” NaN says. “No quest? I don’t think this is a quest situation.”

A smile flits across her face. “What exactly do you believe the situation is?”

NaN thinks about it. “I want to spend time with them? And get to know them and find out if they like me.”

“NaN,” Percival says gently. “I can think of no quest more daring, nor more noble. And you have a whole team here to assist you.”

“Oh.” They pause. “So not like a literal-”

“Not if you are not ready for a literal quest, no.”

“I think I’ve got enough quests going on.”

Percy laughs. “That you do,” she says, and they can practically see her slipping out of noble knight mode. “For now, your quest is to help me make the pancakes for the whole team. Are you ready to do that?”

NaN nods solemnly. “I’ll do my best.”

  
  


#

  
  


Officially, the Lovers are moving back into Sigmund because they can’t bear to be apart any longer.

Unofficially, NaN is pretty sure it’s because of the sun going out. Especially with Sigmund on the Sunbeams, especially with the way that Alexander Horne had doubled over in pain even though they were far removed from the Hellmouth. The Lovers take care of their own, and it turns out that a lot of their own are tied with the Sunbeams. So they’re moving into Sigmund, and by extension moving in with the Sunbeams.

Not that anyone minds, of course. It’s a great setup. Sigmund is going to drop the Lovers off at games before playing with the Sunbeams, and there’s plenty of room for everyone. NaN’s not even sure that the Sunbeams all lived here before the sun went out but, well, a collective near-death experience changes things.

And honestly, it’s pretty cool living in a castle. Intimidating, but cool. And it’s good spending more time with the Lovers. NaN has loved teams before, loved friends, had crushes, had family, but the way the Lovers act is different. They really, really mean it when they say they love someone. It’s a feeling and a goal and a promise, all wrapped into one.

So moving is an adjustment. But it’s an adjustment worth making. NaN knows that every time they wander into a room and meet a Sunbeams player, every Knight-mandated team dinner, every day. It’s worth it.

  
  


#

  
  


“So,” NaN says. “How do I talk to them?”

Alex looks at them very solemnly. “The best thing you can do is be yourself.”

“But flirty,” Ortiz adds. “You have to flirt.”

NaN has to resist the urge to cover their face with both of their hands. They knew they should’ve waited to catch Alexander on their own. They used to play with Lars, they play with NaN now, they’re the perfect person to ask for advice. In theory.

Unfortunately, NaN is still learning the ins and outs of the Lovers. For example, it slips their mind sometimes that Alexander and Ortiz are…

“Yourself but flirty,” Alex says.

Ortiz shakes her head. “Flirty, but yourself.”

…are like this.

“But what does Lars actually like,” NaN says, because there has to be a way to salvage this conversation. “Do they read books?”

“You don’t need to know that for at least the first month,” Ortiz says. “Don’t worry, honey, you’ll get the hang of it.”

“The first month?” Alex repeats. “No, no way, that’s a good introductory question-”

“Introductory? Lexy, that’s some deep stuff! They have to test the waters and make sure it’s okay to try and go deeper.”

“You don't think that asking about books is testing the waters?”

“I think it’s better to start on the surface before going for-” she waves a hand. “You know, the deep things. You should make sure that you can have fun together first. Nothing wrong with being careful before getting invested.”

“But what if it’s too careful?”

NaN snaps over to look at Alex. “There’s such a thing as too careful?”

“No,” Ortiz says. Unfortunately, at exactly the same moment, Alex says, “Yes.” The two of them turn to give each other unreadable looks.

“Cool,” NaN says. “I’m, uh, I’m going to leave now.”

“Lars likes coffee without sugar,” Alexander says, which is somehow even less helpful than the conflicting advice. “And talking to people. You should give that a try. They’re super friendly, and nothing happens if you don’t talk to them.”

Ortiz nods resolutely. “We agree on that part.”

“Oh, but you think that they-”

“No, _you_ think that-”

Neither of them seem to notice NaN slipping out of the room. It’s probably for the best, really.

  
  


#

  
  


The next time they run into Lars in the kitchen, NaN is ready. They have a comprehensive list of conversation-starter questions. It’s written on a notecard in their bedroom. And it’s saved on their phone. And they have it memorized, because backup plans never hurt anyone.

So they’re completely ready to have a conversation and get to know Lars, a little bit but not too much. Except they walk into the kitchen and Miguel is there, nodding along as Lars signs rapidly with all their hands. And they both turn to NaN when they walk in.

“Hi,” NaN says. They kind of want to die. “Um- I was just-”

“Breakfast,” Miguel says agreeably. “Yeah, we can scoot out of your way.”

NaN nods, a little bit jerkily. “Thanks,” they say. Is their voice weird? Their voice sounds weird. This is the worst case scenario. “Uh-”

Lars signs something to Miguel, way too fast for NaN to catch. Miguel answers, a little slower, a little clumsier — closer to NaN’s speed, actually, but they still don’t get it. They squint, as though that’s going to help them understand any better.

And then Lars turns to NaN, looking curious. When they speak, a couple of their spectral hands sign along with the words. “Do you know ASL?”

“Oh!” NaN lifts their hands, hovering uncertainly for a moment. They end up signing the things that they know as they answer, “A little. The Spies have everyone learn, and I tried to keep learning after I left.” They pause for a moment and then sign more deliberately, “Tried.”

Lars laughs out loud, which is horrible because NaN’s chest does this embarrassing twisty thing. “You’re doing great,” they answer. Their hands are moving slowly, especially compared to how fast they were just talking to Miguel, but it doesn’t feel patronizing or anything. “Is there anyone on the Lovers who can teach you?”

NaN shakes their head. “I’ve been talking to Alexandria, but the Spies are always busy.”

And then they have an idea. It is an idea that isn’t in any of the conversation starters they have planned. It is an idea that might actually be horrible. It is an idea that they don’t have time to run past any of the other Lovers, which means it’s probably a bad idea, but-

NaN says, “Can you teach me?”

Lars blinks. Miguel taps their arm and signs something far too fast for NaN to catch — although they can’t really mind, because heaven knows if any of the Lovers were with them right now they would be whispering frantically to each other. NaN politely diverts their eyes for a few seconds.

“Yeah,” Lars says aloud, and NaN looks back. “I’d be happy to. What’s your team practice schedule?”

“Um,” NaN says. Oh god, it worked. They didn’t think it was going to work. “I can… text you?”

Lars smiles. “That sounds good,” they say. “See you then.”

“See you,” NaN says, and turns and flees the kitchen. They hear Miguel say something behind them, but they are so completely focused on getting back to their bedroom that they don’t hear it.

They also don’t notice that they’re about to run into Ortiz and Alex until they nearly collide with Ortiz. She manages to throw her hands out and catch their shoulders. “Whoa!” she laughs. “Where’s the fire?”

“I think Lars is going to teach me sign language and it’s not a date thing but we’re going to be spending time together and talking a lot,” NaN says, all in a rush. “Is that good?”

Alexander and Ortiz exchange a look and then look back at them. “That’s good,” Alexander says. “Good job, kiddo.”

NaN exhales. “Okay, good, because I think I’m going to pass out.”

“Aw,” Ortiz says. “Young love. This is perfect.”

“Is it?”

“It absolutely is.”

“It doesn’t feel perfect.”

“Well, of course not,” Alex says. They and Ortiz exchange another look, but this time they’re both grinning. “But trust us on this. This is a good thing. Have fun with your lessons.”

“Thanks,” NaN says, and sprints the rest of the way back to their room.

When they check their phone, there are two texts waiting for them. The first, from a number they don’t recognize, says _This is Lars X) send me your schedule whenever!_

NaN adds the number to their contacts and takes a minute to find their schedule. They send it off with a couple smiley faces, trying not to think too much about how many emojis is too many. They have a bigger problem.

Because the second text from Ortiz says: _Told the team. We’re gonna help!_

  
  


#

  
  


In the end Sigmund picks the room that they’re going to use for sign language lessons. It’s a little out of the way, upon NaN’s request, just because hopefully it’ll be harder for the Lovers to “coincidentally” wander by. It’s cozy, with a giant loveseat and a fireplace and a couple of plush rugs.

NaN’s not nervous. They are definitely, definitely not nervous.

“Sigmund?” they say.

_Young NaN! You’ve arrived quite early._

NaN grimaces. “I didn’t want to be late,” they mutter.

_An admirable goal. What can I do for you?_

“Can you tell me about Lars?”

Sigmund laughs. _Nothing that you wouldn’t learn on your own, I’m certain. They’re going to be an excellent teacher. Very patient. I’m afraid much more would be an invasion of their privacy._

NaN nods in understanding. “Then can you tell me a story or something to pass the time? Like about how you met Knight?”

_Of course,_ Sigmund says, and launches into the story. It’s something NaN has actually heard before from both Knight and Percy, but never from Sigmund. They settle in on the couch and tip their head back to look at the ceiling and listen.

It takes them a second to notice that the story stops abruptly. “Sigmund?”

“Oh,” Lars says from the doorway. NaN has to try not to startle too badly, trying to straighten up and relax all at the same time and probably looking ridiculous. Lars just smiles. “I was wondering what you were doing.”

“Just getting to know Sigmund a bit.”

Lars nods. “They’re good at telling stories,” they say. And then, agonizingly slowly, they settle on the other half of the loveseat. It’s big enough that the two of them aren’t anywhere near each other, but NaN can feel themself freezing up a little anyways. “You never played with them, right?”

NaN shakes their head. “This is only my second season with the Lovers.”

“Right, all the feedback.” They pause. “What was that like? Moving around all the time?”

“Fine,” NaN answers honestly. “I’ve always wanted to meet more teams, so it was exciting to get to bounce around for a little while. But if it’s over now, I’m happy to be on the Lovers.”

“They seem like good people.”

“They’re all great people.”

“Goodness me,” Don Mitchell says loudly from the doorway. NaN has to suppress a groan. “Well, it seems as though I have accidentally stumbled upon my favorite partner in crime.”

“Crime?” Lars repeats. “What crime?”

“Nothing-”

“I rob banks,” Don says. “For fun! Formerly for profit, currently for personal gratification and public benefit.”

“Don also robs museums,” NaN says. It’s a mistake, and they know as soon as they say it. “Uh, just because-”

“Because all too often museums are colonialist bastardizations of what should be public services,” Don finishes cheerfully. “I try to assist where I can in returning stolen goods. And NaN has assisted me in that! To great effect, I might add.”

Lars turns to NaN, eyes wide. “Really?”

NaN clears their throat. “Uh, Don, I can’t help you right now, we’re in the middle of something. Remember?”

Don sighs dramatically. “It seems as though I will have to find someone else who is just as morally sound yet technically competent as you. I will be hard-pressed, as you are quite singular. Enjoy your time together, kids!”

NaN waits until they can’t hear Don’s footsteps anymore to bury their face in their hands. “I am so sorry about him, he-”

“Did you actually rob museums?” Lars says, sounding fascinated. “Like, actually-actually, not just — you know, with blaseball you can’t always tell what’s a bit-”

“That’s not a bit, he actually robs museums. It used to be only banks, but the Fridays convinced him to help them reclaim some stuff.”

“And you helped him?”

NaN waves a hand, embarrassed. “I mean, he’s right, museums are horrible so it barely counts as stealing, and he told me it would help me learn to steal bases.”

“Did it?”

“Not at all.”

Lars laughs. “That’s really cool,” they say, so sincerely that NaN’s breath catches. “Do you get plus-ones on museum heists? Can I come?”

“Oh, no, I’m never doing that again. It was the most stressful thing I’ve ever done.”

“Did you get caught?”

“Don doesn’t get caught,” NaN says, a little indignant despite themself. They straighten up a little bit and move their hands, which is a mistake, because Lars is grinning at them and suddenly it feels like they’re about to die. “Uh. Did you want to get started?”

“Right,” Lars says. NaN is a little gratified that they also sound embarrassed. “So, um, ASL.” They shift so they’re facing NaN a little more head on and begin signing as they talk. “Obviously you know a little bit, but I want to start out by seeing how much you know. So we’re just going to talk for a little while, and sign when we talk. After a while I’ll stop talking, so you can ask about things you don’t know. Does that sound good?”

“That sounds perfect.”

Lars smiles. “Great,” they say, and NaN can’t help but smile back. “Tell me about yourself.”

It’s a slow, meandering conversation. At first Lars has to remind NaN to sign and talk, but by the end NaN’s getting the hang of it. Lars asks about the Tacos and all the other teams, and then movies, and all sorts of little things. They talk about the Hellmouth and the Sunbeams, and about books, which NaN tries not to feel too vindicated about.

They do their best to keep up and ask questions, even though they always feel like they’re floundering. But Lars is patient with all their little flubs. One of their hands is taking notes, but the rest of their attention is completely on NaN.

It’s… nice. NaN kind of feels like they’re on fire, but it’s really, really nice.

  
  


#

  
  


**MESSAGES >> Helga B **👯

How’d it go???

> good! I learned a lot

Come on kiddo that’s not what I meant!

> they’re great and I like them I don’t know what you want me to say!!

That’s all I wanted you to say.

Good vibes? nothing to worry about?

> nope nothing at all it’s going great

💝💕💝

  
  


#

  
  


**MESSAGES >> Helga M **👯

Sooooo how was it?

> it was good! excited to learn sign language

🙄 you know what I mean!

> Lars is great and I like them why do I have to keep saying that!!

That’s the only thing I wanted to hear.

So you had a good time? I don’t need to worry?

> nothing to worry about it was a good time

💖💞💖

  
  


#

  
  


NaN spends the next couple of days signing to themself constantly. And to the rest of the team, even though none of them comment on it. They have a running note in their phone of things that they want to ask about for the next lesson, little things that they want to know more about.

The nicest thing, NaN thinks, is that this is something they want to do. Even if it’s a romantic bust — and they’re hoping it’s not — they’re learning a whole new language. It’s cool. Lars is so cool.

They’re not quite as early for the next lesson, but they still beat Lars there. This time instead of talking to Sigmund they practice a couple of the harder signs, things that Lars had pointed out that they needed work on. It’s not homework, exactly, but NaN still thinks it’d be good to get it right.

“Lars,” someone yells from down the hall. NaN startles and looks up as Eugenia Bickle rushes up to the door. “Lars, are you in- oh, hi, NaN.”

“Hi,” NaN says. They force themself to sign along with what they’re saying — it’s still not a habit yet, but they’re trying. “Lars isn’t here yet.”

“I can see that,” Eugenia says. “Uh, I’m not going to- I’m not as good at that as you.”

NaN nods. “Do you guys all know ASL?”

“A little. Nagomi and Lars are fluent. The rest of us really just try to keep pace.” She grimaces. “Or, well, the rest of the team can keep pace. Iggy and I didn’t need to know it in our reality, so when we came over here… let’s just say we’ve still got some catching up to do.”

“Lars could teach you.”

“Maybe later. I don’t want to step on your lessons with them. Do you know where they are?”

“No, but they’ll be here soon if you want to wait.”

Eugenia pauses, looking conflicted. “Uh.”

“Genie?” Lars calls from the hallway. Eugenia jumps and shuffles into the den. Lars follows her in, looking at her suspiciously. “What are you doing?”

“Oh!” Eugenia’s face clears in an instant, and she smirks. “I just wanted to make sure I gave you this. Since you wanted to borrow it.” From behind her back she produces a paperback. NaN squints. It looks familiar.

Lars looks pained. “Genie-”

“Just dropping it off,” she says innocently. “Totally normal favor for a friend. NaN, it was nice talking to you.”

“You too!” NaN waves. “Bye.”

“Bye, NaN. Bye, Lars.” She shoots Lars a very significant, weighted look before heading out.

NaN tilts their head, looking at the paperback. Actually, it looks like… “Is that the Dliscworld book I told you about?”

“Eugenia’s a fan,” Lars says. They sound a little strained. “I thought it would be nice to borrow so… you know, so we could talk about it. It was supposed to be a surprise.”

“Aw,” NaN says, which is a clever ruse to cover the fact that it feels like they’re falling and floating at the same time. “I can pretend I didn’t see. It’s still a really nice surprise.”

Lars’s cheeks turn distinctly pink as they smile. “Thanks. I’ll have to tell her to be more subtle about any more surprises.”

“Oh, you don’t need to-”

“Don’t worry about it.” Lars sets the book on the arm of the loveseat and then plops down across from NaN. “You’ve been practicing, right? It looks a lot smoother, even when you don’t know words.”

“I have been practicing,” NaN says, off-guard and pleased. “You can tell?”

Lars nods. “It’s going great. I have a list of things I want to work on-”

“Oh!” NaN reaches behind them. “I actually… also have a list? We don’t need to do any of it right now, but I kept noticing things I wanted to know about, so I wrote them down.” They pass the paper over. Their fingertips don’t touch. NaN is the most disappointed and the most relieved they’ve ever been in their life.

“Thank you,” Lars says, so sincerely that NaN’s heart flutters. “Wow, you’re taking this seriously.”

“It’s important to be able to talk to everyone.” _To you,_ NaN does not say. “And it’s fun. So as long as you want to keep doing lessons-”

“Yes,” Lars says quickly. NaN has to bite their cheek to keep from smiling. “Yeah. I’ll look at this and figure out how it lines up with what I had in mind. And thank you.”

“What for?”

“For taking this so seriously. It’s more fun when I know that you’re invested.”

“Oh,” NaN says. “Well. Consider me invested.”

Lars grins. “I will,” they say, like it’s a promise.

  
  


#

  
  


**MESSAGES >> Kichiro **💋💋💋

alright you’ve hooked them in

it’s time for phase two

> what’s phase two?

you gotta play hard to get

> what??

> i don’t want to do that

it’s a part of the process!

make them want what they can’t have!

> isn’t it better to want things that you *can* have?

haven’t you ever wanted something you can’t have?

> yeah and it’s not fun!

> i think i’m going to stick with what i’m doing

you sure about that?

> i’m not sure about anything!!!

> i just know they got one of my favorite books because they wanted to be able to talk about it and i would feel really bad if i started acting weird after that

okay that’s pretty cute

i still say you should be hard to get

gotta spice things up

> :(

  
  


#

  
  


In retrospect, the fact that nothing weird happens before the lesson should be ominous. Maybe the fact that nothing happens in the first ten minutes should be ominous too. At the time, it doesn’t occur to NaN to be worried. They settle into a conversational rhythm with Lars, reviewing signs, practicing new things. Normal stuff.

They’ve been going for nearly an hour when someone at the door clears their throat loudly.

NaN and Lars both jump. They turn to the door, and NaN has to bite back a sigh. “Hi, Parker.”

“Hi, NaN,” Parker says. Parker is one of the scariest people NaN has ever met. She’s also very, very cool, which makes her scarier. She looks incredibly bored, barely bothering to look at them. “I’m here to pass on a message.”

“Couldn’t you text it to me? We’re in the middle of something.”

Parker shrugs. “I already found you, it won’t take too long.”

“What’s the message?”

“Kichiro wanted me to tell you to, and I quote-” Parker crunches her fingers into air quotes. “Remember the process.”

Lars is staring at NaN, and they have to fight to keep looking at Parker. They’ll never tell Kichiro this, but they thought about what she said. There’s something really alluring to the idea of pulling back, closing themself off, seeing what Lars does in the face of a challenge. In a way, it seems way easier. That’s why they think it’s a bad idea. Something tells them this shouldn’t be easy.

NaN meets Parker’s eyes and deliberately shifts over on the loveseat, ending up a few inches closer to Lars in the process. “Tell her I said thanks for the reminder,” they say, as pointedly as they dare.

Parker smirks. If NaN didn’t know any better, they’d think she’s impressed. “Message received,” she says. “Have fun, you crazy kids. Don’t get into too much trouble.” She wiggles her fingers in a wave and saunters away.

NaN turns to Lars, an apology already halfway to their mouth, when they realize that Lars is giving them a strange look. “What?”

“Um,” Lars says. They look down for a brief second, then back at NaN. They still look a little dazed, but they clearly come back to themself. “Nothing. That was a good job signing as you talked.”

“Was I signing?”

“You didn’t notice?”

“Not at all.”

Lars beams. “That’s great! It’s definitely becoming more natural.”

“Oh,” NaN says. They duck their head, trying to avoid Lars’s smile, except when they look down they realize that their knee is only a couple inches from being pressed against Lars’s. NaN kind of wants to scream, or even better, to move closer. Instead they force themself to look up. “Thanks. It’s helping a lot, talking to you all the time.”

“We should talk more,” Lars says, which is completely innocuous and also makes NaN want to jump out of their skin.

“Yeah,” they say, mostly for lack of anything more coherent. “Yeah, I’d like that. Did you wanna-”

“Right!” Lars sits up a little straighter. “Where were we?”

The lesson keeps going, even if NaN has to keep an eye on the door for their peace of mind. They never do move closer to Lars. But they let themself imagine it.

  
  


#

  
  


**MESSAGES >> Yosh** 🔨 **Carpenter** 🧡

Have the lessons gone as planned?

> the lessons have been great! lars is a good teacher

A pleasure to hear. There is nothing so intimate as sharing in the act of creation.

> i don’t know how much of it is creation?

> we’re mostly just talking

Speaking in new ways is an act of creation in and of itself.

Learning is a gift, NaN. Do not forget that.

> oh i won’t!! this is great thank you

> ...do you think we should create something together though?

> in the traditional sense?

I am a carpenter. I have made gifts for many a love in my time.

> that’s intimidating to think about

> i don’t think i’ve ever made something for someone before

Should you choose that path, I will aid you in every step.

> i don’t think that’s what i want to do here

Do as your heart guides you. Simply know that whichever journey you may choose, you need not travel alone.

> are we still talking about sculpting???

Only if you wish to sculpt.

> okay great thank you

  
  


#

  
  


NaN gets to the practice room about fifteen minutes early, like usual. Totally normal lesson. They’ve had a couple normal lessons here and there, so this is going to be fine. Nothing weird at all.

“Hey,” Nerd Pacheco says. “You want us to deal you in?”

NaN blinks. Nerd, Zack, and Nagomi Nava are all sitting on the floor with a deck of cards, in the middle of a game that they have absolutely never seen before.

“Sure,” NaN says, with more confidence than they feel. Nerd and Zack move around so there’s a spot, and they sit cross-legged on the floor between them. “What, uh… what is this?”

“Hellmouth poker,” Nerd says. “There aren’t a lot of rules. You’ll figure it out.”

“Will I?”

“No,” Zack answers. “But you’ll have fun. We’ll finish this hand so you can watch, here.”

NaN tries to follow the rules. They try so hard. They’ve played poker before, it seems like it shouldn’t be that hard. But this isn’t poker. This is a combination of ratscrew, crazy eights, poker, blackjack, and go fish.

The round ends. Nerd looks at them expectantly. “Well?”

“Let’s do it,” NaN says, because there’s no point in not trying. “But I might need some help.”

“We’ll go easy on you,” Zack promises. “Or we’ll try. No promises.”

Nagomi sets her cards down. NaN turns to her and she signs, “I’m going to help you cheat.”

“Gomi,” Nerd complains. “The rest of us aren’t as fluent as you.”

“I’ll keep it to a minimum,” Nagomi answers, still signing. It takes NaN a second to realize that her hands don’t match her spoken words. She’s signing… rules. And, miracle of miracles, NaN understands everything she’s saying.

“I think she’s just helping me practice,” NaN says brightly. “This room is normally where Lars and I do ASL lessons. It’s like a warmup.”

“Exactly,” Nagomi says. She keeps signing rules, all weird things about drawing cards and tricks and secrets.

Nerd looks at her suspiciously. “You’re not saying anything, but you’re still signing.”

“That’s right.”

They exchange a look with Zack. In seeming agreement, the two of them shrug. Nagomi doesn’t quite smile, but she seems pleased.

Zack starts dealing the cards. “So, NaN,” she says brightly. “How are those sign language lessons going? I know Lars is taking the lesson planning really seriously.”

NaN can feel themself blushing. They hope that nobody else can tell. “I think the lessons have been going well,” they say honestly. “It’s been a lot of fun learning something new, and Lars is… Lars is a really good teacher, actually.”

Zack smiles. “Yeah?”

“Yeah! They’re very…” NaN has to pause for a moment, casting around for a word that is exactly the right amount of effusive. They settle on, “Talented. And patient. And nice.”

All the Sunbeams exchange looks. NaN has to consider that, maybe, they went a little too effusive.

“Well, good,” Nerd says, after a pause that goes on just a couple seconds too long. “They think similar things about you.”

“Really?” NaN says, a little too high-pitched. They clear their throat. “I mean, good, I… I’m glad to hear that.”

“Good,” Zack says. She sets the cards down. “Alright, game time, no talking. Nagomi, that means no signing.”

“No signing,” Nagomi repeats dutifully. She picks all her cards up in one hand, but with her other she makes a little gesture that NaN can almost understand. She’s telling them to start playing.

NaN doesn’t win. Or at least, they don’t think they win. But they’re also pretty sure that, with help from Nagomi, they don’t lose. She gives lots of little cues about when to slap the pile of cards and when to fold and when to… well, NaN doesn’t actually know what they’re doing. But it’s pretty fun.

It’s so fun, in fact, that they completely forget why they’re there until Lars says from the doorway, “Are you guys crashing our lesson?”

“Sigmund’s rooms aren’t reserved, you know,” Zack says, but she flashes a sunny smile at them. “We just wanted to take a little while and play cards. Team bonding.”

“Team bonding,” Nagomi repeats, completely devoid of tone. She signs something to Lars that’s too quick and small for NaN to catch. “We’ll get out of your hair.”

“Thanks,” Lars says. “Who won?”

“Uh-” Nerd leans over the messy pile of cards in the middle of the four of them, considering. “I think Zack did. But NaN’s second.”

“Really?” NaN says before they can help themself. They look up at Nagomi, who just lifts her eyebrows. “Wow. Cool.”

“Beginner’s luck,” Nerd says. “But good job. We’ll have to rematch you sometime.”

“I’d like that,” they answer. And, to their surprise, they realize that they mean it.

Zack starts gathering all the cards together. “Do you guys wanna find another room?”

“No,” Nagomi says, and gets to her feet. “But that was fun. Thank you for playing with us, NaN. Good job.”

“Thank you,” NaN says. They’re pretty sure that she’s not just talking about the card game.

Nagomi smiles — actually smiles at them — and leaves the room. Nerd gets up, clapping NaN on the shoulder. “Good going,” they say softly. And then, to Lars, “Have fun playing teacher.”

“I will,” Lars says, so sincerely that NaN looks up at them in surprise. Lars blushes, just slightly, but they don’t falter. “I’ll talk to you guys later.”

“What’s there to talk about?” Zack says innocently. Almost too innocent. She gets up and trails after Nerd. “Bye, Lars.”

“Bye, Zack,” Lars says pointedly.

NaN moves to the loveseat. They wait for Lars to look over at them and then sign, “Is that a real game or did I just get pranked?”

Lars barks out a laugh. “It’s a real game,” they answer, and settle down on the loveseat next to NaN. “Although there’s nothing Hellmouth about it. Sandoval and Zack tried to make a new card game in season one, before we fell in.”

“Are there actual rules?”

“Sure, but Sandy’s the only one who actually knows them.”

“Should I be proud that I got second?”

“Definitely,” Lars signs, so decisively that NaN is almost surprised. “How’d you do it?”

“Nagomi helped me cheat. She kept signing to me.”

“And you understood?”

“She’s easy to understand.”

Lars smirks. “Most people would disagree with you.”

“Well, I think she’s great.” NaN pauses. Maybe it’s their poker win or maybe it’s the smile of approval from Nagomi, but either way they’re feeling bold. “You and your team are all great.”

Lars perks up. They look delighted. “You’re pretty great yourself,” they answer, and NaN feels breathless, weightless. “And your confidence with the signs has improved a lot.”

“I have a great teacher,” NaN signs back, and they’re rewarded with the sight of Lars’s face splitting into a delighted grin.

  
  


#

  
  


**MESSAGES >>** **Sandford** 💤 **Garner** ☁

> hey you’ve seen a lot of people’s dreams right?

> do you do the whole thing where you can like

> analyze dreams and tell people what they really mean?

Lol I’m really not an expert sorry

Do you want to talk about it?

> no it’s dumb

Hey. I promise it’s not.

> it’s just like

> is it normal to dream about someone you have a crush on??

It’s the most normal thing in the world

> it just feels like i’m being dramatic

> like, not even my subconscious can calm down

Maybe it’s a sign that you should do something while you’re awake

> maybe

> what if it’s a sign that i should stop?

Have you figured out how to magically stop liking someone?

> ok point taken

> but it’s not weird, right?

Nothing about having crushes is weird

In fact, feeling weird about having crushes is normal

So you could say that you’re extra normal because it feels weird

> ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh

> thanks

Any time

You’ve got this, don’t sweat it

  
  


#

  
  


“Hey,” NaN says.

Jaylen actually turns around to look at the rest of the empty room. When she turns back, her eyebrows are furrowed. “Hi,” she says slowly. “What’s up?”

“Can I ask you for advice?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you.”

“Me,” Jaylen repeats. NaN doesn’t blame her for being confused. Ever since she joined the team, they… they haven’t been avoiding her, but they also didn’t really make an effort to get close to her. They have some things in common, sure, the flickering and the blaseball weirdness, but Jaylen is prickly. She clearly needed space. This is the first conversation they’ve had, actually.

Oh god. This is the first conversation they’re ever having with Jaylen.

NaN swallows. “It’s dating advice,” they say, with more confidence than they actually feel.

Jaylen snorts. “We’re on a whole team of people dating each other and you’re asking me?”

“I’ve already asked nearly everyone.”

“And?”

“And they mean well,” NaN hedges.

Jaylen’s eyebrows shoot up. “That’s a little backhanded,” she says, amused. “What’s eating you?”

They sigh. “Everyone just has all these different ideas, and there are so many big gestures and different ways of doing it. And they’re all so invested, and I don’t want people to keep crashing our study sessions, and I don’t want someone to tell me I have to make a statue or rob a bank. I just want normal, clear advice.”

“And you think I’m going to have that advice?”

“I think everyone else is going to be too helpful.”

“So you’re asking me because you don’t think I’m going to be helpful.”

NaN shrugs. “I’ve been wrong before.”

That gets her to laugh — not a real laugh, a soft little noise of amusement, but it’s still a victory. “Alright, why not. I’m a little out of practice, but I’ll give it a shot.” She pauses for a dramatic second and then says, “You already know what you’re doing.”

NaN frowns. “No, I don’t.”

“Yeah, you do,” Jaylen says, implacable. “I don’t care about gossip, but the team talks about you. You figured out something you had in common with the Sunbeams kid, and you’ve been spending time together based on that. You’ve been meeting their teammates. You’ve been having conversations. Those are all completely normal things to do when you like someone.”

“But everyone disagrees on-”

“Actually, everyone is giving you the same advice.”

“No, they’re not.”

She shrugs. “It all boils down to the same thing. They’re giving you different strategies, sure, and some of them are getting more involved than others. But at the end of the day the whole team is telling you to listen, and pay attention, and keep trying. That’s the best thing you can do, and you’re already doing it. So you’re doing fine.”

NaN thinks about it. The Lovers are all weird and loud, but they also all care, so much. He can slot every single thing they’ve done neatly into something that Jaylen just said. And at the same time, she’s right: the ASL lessons were their own idea, and they’re the one who kept up with it. And they’re spending a few hours a week with Lars, something that they did by themself.

“Wow,” they whisper. One corner of Jaylen’s mouth ticks up into a smile, and they beam at her. “That was actually helpful!”

“I’m full of surprises,” Jaylen says. It’s flat and sardonic but they can hear an undercurrent of warmth. “You’re doing fine already. But next time, ask someone else for advice.”

“Oh, no, this was great. You’re my new advice guy.”

Jaylen sighs. “Fine,” she mutters. “There are worse fates, I guess.”

“Thanks for the support,” NaN says as flatly as they can manage. It must pay off, because Jaylen’s smile widens, just a fraction, just enough that they know she means it.

  
  


#

  
  


**MESSAGES >>** **Knight** ♞ **Triumphant** 🏆

> okay so you know how you and Percy talk about like

> quests, and grails, and how the strength is inside you

> where is it inside me?

Nowhere, and everywhere. You are your own strength and bravery.

> hm

> but like

> how do i make it come out?

What is something that makes you feel brave?

You need not tell me the answer, only find it within yourself.

Nurture that. Let it guide you, and carry you.

You have always had the bravery for this journey.

All that is left to do is use it.

> what if i’m still worried?

Do you know what we call a man who has bravery without fear?

A fool.

Fear can be a friend to quests. But do not let it become your master.

Only you should be your master.

> i really want to get this right

You will.

> not i will, if, or i will, but?

No. You simply will. We all know it.

> 🥺🥺😭😭

> thank you

Good luck on your quest, NaN.

You have worked hard for this.

We all look forward to seeing the fruits of your labor.

  
  


#

  
  


NaN isn’t late to the lesson on purpose. In fact, they feel pretty bad about being late. It’s just that Stephanie on the Wild Wings called, and then Fitzgerald wanted a status report, and then it kind of felt like they should call the Tacos so they did, and next thing they knew they were nearly fifteen minutes late.

They’re rushing so much, actually, that it takes them until they’re nearly at the doorway of the room to realize that they can hear Lars talking.

“No, I’ve been checking up on them every day,” they say. “They’re fine. Like, actually- Layna, no, listen to me, I mean every day. This Sun 2 thing is weird, but it stabilized Sandy a lot, and I think Dudley’s going-” they cut off with a sigh. “Yeah. Yeah, I know.”

NaN starts creeping back from the door. “Sigmund?” they whisper.

_Yes, NaN?_

“Could you warn Lars that I’m coming? So they have enough time to wrap up?”

_Of course._

NaN waits a few seconds, and sure enough, they hear Lars sigh. “Layna, I have to go. No, it’s fine, it’s- I’ll call you in a few hours, okay? Okay. Love you too.”

That sounds like a cue. NaN moves towards the door, making their footfalls as loud as they can manage. They reach the doorway just as Lars puts their phone down. They’re curled up in the corner of the loveseat, one foot tucked underneath them and the other trailing on the floor. When NaN walks in, they look up with the most forced smile ever. “Hey.”

“Lars, I’m so sorry, I completely lost track of-”

“It’s fine,” Lars says. NaN can tell that something is wrong because they’re signing with two of their spectral hands. Their physical hands are sitting still in their lap. “After all those times you beat me here, it’s only fair that this happened once.”

NaN nods, and then pauses. They could say nothing. But… “Are you okay? You look tired.”

Lars sighs. “That obvious?”

“I’m very attentive.”

“It’s been a weird season for the Beams. That’s all.”

“I’ll bet.” NaN goes over to the loveseat. They don’t bother to worry about any implications or mixed signals or anything; they just sit as close as they dare, mimicking Lars’s position. They press their foot up against Lars’s on the floor, gentle but deliberate. It’s enough to get Lars to look at them in shock. Carefully, NaN signs, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I-” Lars swallows. When they start signing again, it’s with their own hands. “I think we’re all worried about the sun. A lot of us are connected to it.”

“Including you.”

Lars nods. “I got lucky. When the black hole opened, I just lost my extra hands for a day or two. But it really hurt a couple of us.”

NaN makes a sympathetic noise. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

Lars gives them a strange look. “But weren’t you…”

“Wasn’t I what?”

“Never mind, I don’t want to upset you.”

It clicks in an instant. “Wyatt Mason,” they say, and Lars nods sheepishly. “I don’t really remember being Wyatt Mason anymore. The change was scary, but it got better. Most of the Tacos got back to normal, and even the ones who didn’t are okay. You’ll be okay too.”

“Thanks,” Lars says softly. “That… that helps a lot.”

“And if you want to talk more about it-”

“Maybe another time.” And then Lars shifts their leg so their foot is hooked around NaN’s ankle. They don’t quite meet NaN’s eyes, but NaN understands. “I just don’t want all our conversations to be so… sad. I like spending time with you and I wish we could do it more without it being serious.”

And NaN thinks about Jaylen saying that they already know what they’re doing, about Knight saying they already have the bravery, about impulses and intuition, and then they say, “Hey.”

Lars looks up. “Yeah?”

“I haven’t had the chance to explore San Francisco very much. And a couple of the Lovers told me about a…” oh no, they didn’t think this far ahead. What’s something they could do? “About a bookstore that I want to check out. But I hate being in new cities by myself, so I want someone to keep me company. Do you…” NaN swallows. “Do you maybe want to go with me?”

“Oh,” Lars says. They look stunned. NaN doesn’t let themself panic. They’re not going to panic. “That sounds like a lot of fun. I’ve never really been to San Francisco, other than the games.”

NaN nods enthusiastically. “Right? Everything’s been so crazy, I just haven't had a chance to look around. But I bet it’s great. So we can check out the bookstore and… I can buy you dinner afterwards? As a thank you for keeping me company?”

“You don’t have to-”

“I want to,” NaN says, so earnestly that Lars stops and stares. “I- if you want to come with me, then I want to get you dinner.”

Slowly, Lars begins to smile. “I’m free Friday.”

“I’m also free Friday!”

“And I definitely want to.”

“Then it’s a date,” NaN says. The point where their ankle is in contact with Lars’s foot feels absolutely electric. And it’s still nothing compared to the way Lars’s whole face lights up.

  
  


#

  
  


**MESSAGES >> Ortiz** 🐍 **Lopez** ♥

> i have a question but you can’t ask why i’m asking

Shoot! Whatcha need?

> you’ve lived in san francisco for a long time right

> do you know any cool bookstores?

Awwww!

[Ortiz 🐍 Lopez ♥ sent you a screenshot]

Lexy and Percy and I have been to these ones! 📚

They might have more ideas if you need them

> wow you had that ready to go fast

Between you and me, I’ve had it ready to go for a while! 😜

You talk about books a lot 🤓

And I have friends who own some cool little queer indie places

Are you gonna tell me why you’re asking

> no actually i think

> i might say it in the group chat?

LOL your phone’s going to explode

Do it!!!

> thanks ortiz

😍❣😘🙏💪👯♀️

  
  
  


**MESSAGES >> Lovers!! **💋💘💋

> so

> I have a date Friday

  


  


> _You have muted notifications for this conversation. Notifications will automatically switch back on in 5 minutes._

  


  


  


  


  


**MESSAGES >> Lovers!! **💋💘💋 (78 unread)

  
  


#

  
  


NaN’s not nervous. For the whole three days leading up to Friday, they’re not nervous. All of Friday morning, they’re not nervous. It’s not until about noon that they realize that maybe they’re so nervous that it doesn’t even feel like nerves anymore.

Exactly forty-three minutes before NaN has to leave, Theo pokes his head into their bedroom. “How are you feeling?”

“Uh,” NaN says. They’ve been sitting on their bed for the last hour, torn between checking their phone and not wanting to check at all. “Um. Overwhelmed? Is that a word? I think I’m forgetting words.”

“Ooh, that bad?”

NaN flops back onto their bed and stares at the ceiling. “I need to get ready. I know I need to get ready, and I also know it’s not a big deal, and they already like me and it’s fine, but what if it’s actually a big deal and it’s not fine?”

“Aw, baby,” Theo says sympathetically. “You’ve got it bad. Can I sit with you?”

“I guess.”

Theo steps in and sits on the edge of NaN’s bed and settles one of his hands on their knee. “There’s nothing wrong with being worried about this. It’s just a sign that you care.”

“What if I care too much? Or about the wrong things?”

“Then you can adjust. Nothing wrong with changing your mind.”

NaN props themself up on their elbows, giving Theo a searching stare. “How do you know if it’s actually okay?”

Theo shrugs. “You figure it out,” he says honestly. “And you put in the work. This is your first time doing something like this, ever. And I’m sorry, but you’re gonna get things wrong at some point. The important part is that you listen to one another, and learn from one another.”

“And?”

“And that you have a good time, of course.”

NaN lies back down. “I have a dumb question.”

“Baby, there is no such thing as a dumb question.”

“Why does it matter so much what I wear?”

Theo laughs. NaN sits up to glare at him, and he holds his hands up in a don’t-shoot gesture. “I swear, I’m not laughing at your question. I’m laughing because that’s never a question I had. It always mattered for me.”

“Well, it’s never mattered for me,” NaN mutters. “I mean, I customized my uniform a little bit, but that wasn’t a big deal. This feels like a big deal. We’re not even doing anything big, but I still want to look good for them.”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Is it a real secret?”

“No, it’s just a tip. It doesn’t matter if you look good for them.” Theo pokes them in the chest. “It matters if you look good for _you._ When you feel good about the way you look, you feel good, period. You've gotta take care of yourself first. Make sure that you’re happy with how you look.”

“How do I do that?”

Theo grins. “What do you think I’m here for?”

“We don’t have a lot of time.”

“Honey, the two of you live in the same building. If we’re running late we can just have Sig let them know.”

“I don’t want to run late.”

“Of course not.” Theo taps his chin in an exaggerated gesture. NaN can tell that he’s trying to get them to laugh, and they’re not going to give him the satisfaction. They’re not. “It’s going to be a crunch, but I can work with this.”

“Okay, but I’m not going to wear eyeliner.”

“I’m not going to ask you to.” He pauses, and a wicked smile cuts across his face. “How do you feel about lipstick?”

NaN can’t help it; they start cackling. “I’d look like a clown!”

“Then we’re narrowing down the options already.” Theo slings an arm around NaN’s shoulder, and they tuck their head against his neck. He makes a pleased noise. “Nothing wrong with being nervous. You just don’t have to be nervous alone.”

“Thanks,” NaN mumbles. “All of you are so… nice.”

Theo laughs. “I hope so,” he says, and there’s an honest undercurrent to it that makes NaN scoot a little closer to him. “You’re a good kid, NaN. We’re all rooting for you. And if you need anything on this date, you just call one of us and we’ll be there. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“You ready to get started, or do you need a minute?”

“Will you have enough time to work your magic if I need a minute?”

“I guess,” Theo says, sounding put-upon. NaN knows that he doesn’t mind one bit.

  
  


#

  
  


NaN trips down the stairs to the entryway.

It’s a complete accident, a coincidence of putting their foot in the wrong place and slipping, but they stumble with a quiet yelp as they get to the bottom. There is a brief moment where they think that both their dignity and their ankle are about to be severely bruised, but then-

“Whoa!” Lars says, and suddenly their hands are on NaN’s shoulders. “Please don't break your leg before I get to go out with you.”

NaN laughs, nervous and startled and giddy. “Sorry,” they answer. “Two left feet over here.”

They look up at Lars, who grins. Lars looks _good,_ NaN realizes. Their hair is a little neater than normal, and they’re wearing a henley that looks really nice, and wow, this is NaN’s date. They’re going out with Lars freaking Taylor.

“Thanks for catching me,” they say after a second.

Lars backs up, just half a step. Their hands linger on NaN’s shoulders. “Any time,” they say. They look NaN up and down, but for once it isn’t an uncomfortable thing. It turns out that Theo was right, and NaN feels way better knowing that they’re a little dressed up. It’s a lot of little things: some perfume borrowed from Kichiro, a belt from Bontgomery, a nice pair of shoes that NaN forgot they took from Moses Mason a couple years ago. And the end result is that they feel good. They’re excited.

NaN smiles and glances up to the ceiling. “Hey, Sigmund?”

_We are outside the bookstore._

“Thank you!”

_I believe I speak for everyone in residence when I say that we hope you enjoy yourselves._

Lars’s hands drop to their sides, but they also look up at the ceiling. “We will,” they say. NaN feels a burst of butterflies in their chest, made all the worse and better when Lars turns to them. “Alright, let’s go exploring.”

“Let’s go exploring,” NaN agrees, and together they step into the street.

The bookstore was chosen with plentiful input from Ortiz, Alex, and Percy. It’s a dusty indie place. All of the awnings are rainbows, and there are literal barrels full of books on the sidewalk. NaN likes it immensely just at first sight.

“Cool,” Lars breathes next to them. “So what are you looking for?”

NaN pauses. “Anything that looks good,” they decide. Lars snorts, and they give them a plaintive look. “What? Lots of books are good!”

“Well, yeah, but is there anything you like?”

“It’s hard to narrow it down.”

“Do you want recommendations?”

“Please,” NaN says fervently, and Lars grins.

Lars, it turns out, has completely different taste in books than NaN. They take NaN to the popular science section and point out books that they like — plenty about the sun and astronomy, but also some about physics, some about wildlife. They seem to read less fiction than NaN, but they can still point to things that they enjoy, fantasy novels and contemporary novellas.

They spend hours in the store, picking up books and trading suggestions, making up scavenger hunts for one another. Lars even buys a couple things to read later. NaN decides not to, which they justify by showing Lars a picture of the precarious stack of books on their nightstand.

“Don’t you ever have time to read?” Lars asks as they walk out of the store. “Like, when you’re in party time or something?”

“Sure.” NaN shrugs. “But there’s also practice, and I have a lot of teams to spend time with now, and those are both more important.”

“Maybe we should start a book club. Alaynabella used to talk about that.”

“Doesn’t she write books?”

“I never said her intentions were pure.”

NaN laughs. “Alright, where do you want to get dinner?”

“Uh…” Lars falters. “I don’t really know what’s around here.”

“Neither do I. Are you in the mood for anything?”

“Whatever’s closest, I’m starving.”

NaN glances around. Part of the reason they’d picked this bookstore is because Sandford had promised that there were plenty of restaurants nearby. “Left or right?”

“Uh, left?”

“Perfect.” NaN reaches out, grabs Lars’s hand, and turns left on the sidewalk. It doesn’t even occur to them for the first twenty seconds that they’ve never held Lars’s hand before. Immediately they turn around, wide-eyed. “Uh, I can-”

“This is fine,” Lars says. They’re smiling — not just smiling but smiling at NaN, sweet and warm. “This is nice. We should’ve done this in the bookstore.”

“We should’ve done this in the bookstore,” NaN agrees. “But we can do it now. And later.”

Lars squeezes NaN’s hand. They nearly trip over their own feet again, and Lars smirks. “When I thought about sweeping you off your feet-”

NaN bursts out laughing. “That’s probably safer for me than actually walking.”

“Clearly,” Lars says, and doesn’t let go, and NaN keeps laughing.

  
  


#

  
  


**MESSAGES >>** **Theo** 💄 **King** 👑

> [You sent Theo 💄 King 👑 an image]

> is this the cafe you and helga were telling me about?

no but this place looks cuuuUUUUte

you doin okay baby?

> yeah it’s going really really great

then quit texting me and have fun!

> texting you IS fun

> we’ll be home eventually

mmmmmmmhm

  
  


#

  
  


Sigmund meets them at the edge of the city, somewhere that won’t displace too many other buildings. Lars stops at the front door. “I’d offer to walk you home, but since we live together…”

“You can,” NaN says quickly, then thinks about it. “Um, I mean, if you do, you might run into the Lovers, because I bet they’re all waiting for me in the north wing commons, but-”

Lars laughs, surprised. “Really?”

“Yeah, they’ve been aggressively supportive.”

“So have the Sunbeams.”

“Well, that’s sweet of them.”

Lars grimaces. “I mean, it’s sweet, except for how they kept meddling.”

“Meddling?”

“Yeah, like everyone trying to…” They wave a hand, looking embarrassed. “The poker game was them trying to freak you out with Hellmouth stuff. I think you really impressed them by holding your own.”

“Really?” NaN blinks. “Well, tell them they still owe me a rematch. And, I mean, I hardly have a leg to stand on. The Lovers kept trying to crash our study sessions.”

“Did they?”

“Yeah, like Don with the museum thing.”

“That was pretty cool, though.”

“Yeah, Don’s cool,” NaN admits. “That one was fine. I was just so nervous.”

Lars laughs. “Yeah, you’re telling me. That first time we talked, I made Hahn come into the kitchen with me so I had an excuse to introduce myself to you.”

NaN’s jaw drops. “No.”

“Yeah. She was trying so hard not to laugh at me in front of you. She had to apologize later because she thought she blew it.”

“I didn’t even notice.”

“Really?”

“I was too busy trying not to stare too much at you,” NaN admits, and Lars bursts into laughter. NaN can’t help but join in, leaning in to rest their forehead against Lars’s shoulder. “Oh, my god, we’re ridiculous.”

“We’re ridiculous,” Lars agrees breathlessly. “Can I at least walk you to the commons? I know it’s not much further, but I don’t want to go just yet.”

NaN straightens up and grins. “I’d like that.”

“Perfect.” Lars reaches out and grabs NaN’s hand, and one of their spectral hands settles on NaN’s shoulder. “Ready?”

“Let’s go.”

They don’t say much as they walk through the halls. NaN keeps swinging their joined hands back and forth, a silly little gesture that makes Lars smile fondly every time.

It’s not until they reach the hall outside the north commons that Lars stops and says “Okay, I had an ulterior motive for walking you back. I kind of… got you something.”

“What?” NaN blinks. “When? You didn’t have to-”

“I wanted to.” They smile shyly. Two of their spectral hands appear, holding a couple of books. One of them is an astronomy book that they'd recommended; the other is a bestseller that NaN had talked themself out of buying. “I just thought it’d be nice, and you already said you’d pay for dinner, so I wanted to surprise you.”

“Lars,” NaN says. They feel a little choke dup. “Thank you.”

“I had a lot of fun.” Lars takes a deep breath. “Do you wanna… do this again next week? Maybe? We can keep having lessons in the meantime, but I’d really like to go on another date.”

“Yeah.” NaN smiles, and Lars smiles back, and it's like the universe is singing in melody or harmony or opera or something bigger than all the music in the world. “I’d love to.”

“Cool.” Lars nods. “Uh. I’ll text you?”

“Perfect.”

Lars holds out the books. NaN looks down for a second. They could take the books and go inside. They could end this night right here.

Except, NaN realizes, there’s one more thing they want to do.

They take a deep breath, lean up on their tiptoes, and press a kiss to Lars’s cheek. They can hear Lars take a sharp breath, and they immediately rock back on their heels. “Uh-”

“Wow,” Lars says. They are, NaN is gratified to see, blushing furiously. “You’re… wow.”

“Was that okay?”

“Yeah! That-” Lars swallows. “That was more than okay. Actually, can I- you know-”

NaN’s entire brain fizzles out for a second. They manage to breathe out, “Uh, yes, please.”

Lars leans in and presses a kiss to the corner of NaN’s mouth. It’s still not a full-on kiss, but it’s slow, and purposeful, and perfect.

When Lars pulls away, NaN smiles and reaches out, taking the books in their hands. “I’ll… see you next week?” they say hopefully.

“Yeah,” Lars says. Their voice just about cracks. NaN is endlessly, endlessly fond of them. “Yeah. Uh. Have a good night.”

“You too,” NaN says, and the last of their bravery promptly runs out, and they all but flee into the common room clutching the books to their chest.

It’s a hasty escape, but it’s one that works. At least, it works up until the door closes behind them and they remember: All the Lovers are waiting for them.

“Uh,” NaN says. The entire team is in the common room. All of them look frozen, like a parody of acting casual. Some of them are looking at NaN; others are politely trying to look away. NaN’s heart is so full it feels like it’s about to explode. “Hi.”

“Welcome back,” Percival says. She is trying so hard not to overwhelm them, NaN can tell. “How did it go?”

“It was really fun, and they got me books, and…” NaN hesitates for a half a second, but this feels like a celebration worth sharing. “And I just kissed them.”

The room explodes into chaos. NaN is swept into three different hugs at the same time as Percival tries to lift them onto her shoulders. They laugh breathlessly and try to shout “On the cheek, it was only-”

“On the cheek counts,” one of the Helgas calls, which gets a couple hearty “hear-hear”s from around the room.

Ortiz sniffles loudly. “We all need to go on more dates. Theo, help me come up with date ideas.”

NaN laughs and glances around the room. They’re still tangled in a couple hugs, but they manage to catch sight of Jaylen, leaning against a wall. She catches their gaze and then, just for a second, grins at them. NaN grins right back.

They get more hugs than they’ve ever had in their life. But more than that, everyone who sees him says something about how proud they are. They’re all brief moments: Don whispering to them about stealing hearts, Kichiro laughing and saying that maybe NaN didn’t need her advice, a nice long hug from Theo that ends with a promise to help pick out more outfits.

They’ve been on a lot of different teams. And it took some time getting used to the way the Lovers operate, sure. But now NaN is sandwiched on the couch between Bontgomery and Yosh, listening to the rest of the team talk about first dates. Occasionally they chime in with details, but the Lovers are letting them move at their own pace. 

They hug their books to their chest and smile. Tomorrow, they’ll start reading, and do some of their ASL practice exercises, and do whatever else they want. But right now, they know they don’t have to worry about any of that.

  
  


#

  
  


**MESSAGES >>** **Quitter** 🙅🙅🙅

why

the FUCK

did i just have to hear THIRDHAND

that you went on a DATE

with LARS TAYLOR

> OH NO

> I FORGOT TO TELL YOU

NAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> QUITTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

> it was perfect they were so sweet

> i like them so much i feel like i’m gonna die

i’m gonna fly in from tokyo to kick their ass

show dominance

> D:

tell me everythinggggggg

> oh geez

> can i call you tomorrow?

> the lovers are doing team things

what on earth are ”””team things””” for the lovers

> i think we’re just having a sleepover?

> it’s kind of nice

if i come over can we have a sleepover

> of COURSE

you’d better call me tomorrow or else

😘

> 💜

  
  


#

  
  


**MESSAGES >>** **Lars** 🤟💕

> good night!!

💕

> 💕

**Author's Note:**

> ETA: Tam, my incredible and very cool partner, somehow made a sequel to this within 24 hours of reading it. 10/10, would recommend.
> 
> Come say hi on Tumblr/Twitter @waveridden!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [of all the things my hands have held (the best so far is you)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27202687) by [marquis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marquis/pseuds/marquis)




End file.
